Confined to the couch

I started a blog post the other day. A lot of it had to do with the new running plan I started this week and how I’m excited that I finally got out of my complacent 1.5 to 2 miles at a time that I’ve been doing most of this summer, and that I was ready to start really pushing myself again and so I had started a new plan to do just that.

And then yesterday I was sitting on the couch for a while. I had been sitting “Indian style” which I know is not good for you but I do it all the time. I got up and did not realize my foot was asleep. It wasn’t tingling; it must have been completely numb. When I put my foot down to start walking to the kitchen, my ankle just gave out. I heard it crack several times as I fell. I am not sure how, but the plate, glass and phone that were all in my hands landed neatly beside me. I was stunned for a few seconds, then started feeling pain and looked back at my foot. It was already swollen up to a pretty good size. I called Caitlin who didn’t have a car and she started trying to call other people. I called my dad because isn’t that what 32 year old daughters do when their dads live thousands of miles away, and told him I was ok but that I might have broken my ankle and was working on a way to get to the emergency room. Then I called Rachel who was thankfully available. She and Ben got here a few minutes later, gathered all the stuff I needed and helped me up off the floor since I hadn’t really moved yet. We spent a couple of hours at the ER due to lots of sick people in front of me. All of the hospital staff were great. I finally saw a doctor who was incredibly personable and friendly and I liked him a lot. He told me it didn’t look good, ordered me some Percocet and sent me off to x ray. It’s not broken, but it’s badly sprained and he said it could be months before I’m running at 100% again. I’m in an air cast for at least a few weeks and on crutches for several days until the swelling is gone.

It could have been worse, I know. I spent my time yesterday alternating between being upset and focusing on the positives-like it’s my left ankle, not my right, which means I can still drive (100% necessary for my job-if I can’t drive, I can’t work); I was already wearing cut off sweats when it happened which meant I didn’t have to figure out a way to change into something where they could see it without having to roll up my pants; I shaved my legs the day before so they weren’t too stubbly; Rachel and Ben were available to drive me to the hospital and keep me company and make me laugh; the doctor was cute and nice; I had already done most of the grocery shopping I needed to get done and what wasn’t done can wait a day or so into the week; Awesome was getting back into town the same day so at least I wouldn’t be alone at home the whole time I’m resting.

It hurt a LOT prior to the pain medicine. I mean a LOT. There were many a curse words that came out of my mouth. But what frustrates me the most, from the second I hit the floor and knew I was hurt, was the thought of not being able to run. I know it’s crazy, but that was all I could think of.

Exercise does not come naturally for me. I’ve always hated it until this running thing came along. I don’t know why it was different this time, but it was, and I’ve been so afraid ever since I started loving it that somehow I would lose it, that this love and desire to be active would just disappear. So naturally hearing my ankle snap as it threw me down would cause a bit of panic. I’m still a little panicked today. It’s going to be a while before I can run again and I wonder if I will feel like I’m starting over again when I can. The doctor said I can swim, and April (my trainer friend) said it shouldn’t be too long before I can do cycle classes and the elliptical. I’m just really hoping those activities can give me what I need to stay somewhat in shape enough so that when it does heal enough to run, it’s not as if I’ve never run before. And that those activities are as stress reducing as running is, at least for a little while.

For now, and probably for at least a week, I’ll be resting from all forms of exercise. But damn you ankle, you have to at least let me do something by next week.